your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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