If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
