she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
