im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
