Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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