Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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