If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
