i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
