my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
