mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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