Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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