i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
