Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
