everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
