i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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