Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
