My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
