my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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