I feel great
I just peed on a car
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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