just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
