And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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