His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
