"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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