You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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