First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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