Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
