I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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