So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
