how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
