Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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