Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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