so that wasnt chicken after all
well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
