im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
