I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
