Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i think my cat just said my name.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
