In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize