woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
