Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
