everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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