So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
