we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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