Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
