i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
