I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
