I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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