made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
