I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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