Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
