i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize