I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
