He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
