just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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