She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize