Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
