from now on my penis is your penis
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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