he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
