You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
