What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
