What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
