I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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