sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
