my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
