I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
