Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
