Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
