I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
