Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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